Week 736: So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother?


It's just not worth it anymore to get my '84 Escort fixed, you know? So
will filling it with barbiturates and applesauce work, the way it did
for Grandpa?

For those of us of the Loser mind-set, the sweetest sound to be heard on
Earth is that of someone laughing heartily at your jokes. And on several
recent occasions, some Losers and their loved ones, caretakers, etc.,
were sent into paroxysms of ecstasy upon turning on the radio and
hearing professional hearty-laughers and auto experts Tom and Ray
Magliozzi reading Style Invitational entries on their NPR show, "Car
Talk," appropriately cackling andor guffawing at each.

Let's make it even easier for Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers: Ask
a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're
not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy
or etiquette columnist Miss Manners, though we cannot guarantee that
Miss Manners will do the aforementioned cracking.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives a container of Anti Monkey Butt Powder, donated by Loser
Andrew Hoenig, who, as far has we can tell, has not used any of this
package on his own red, swollen heinie. Or even that it is red and
swollen -- he didn't send a picture or anything.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser
T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever
they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to
losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Oct.
29. Put "Week 736" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being
ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality.
All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be
edited for taste or content. Results will be published Nov. 17. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries
will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest and this
week's Honorable Mentions name are by Tom Witte. The idea for this
week's contest is from Russell Beland.

Report From Week 732, in which we asked for chains of 25 names, each name related in some way
to the one before it, beginning and ending with George W. Bush. The
Empress read 519 of these; we will favor you with fewer, and in most
cases just the juiciest parts.

5.. . . Molly Pitcher, Nolan Ryan, the KKK, David Duke,
Mike Krzyzewski, Carlos Boozer, A.A. Milne, Christopher Robin,
Batman, Lestat de Lioncourt, Anne Rice, Condoleezza Rice, George
W. Bush. (Chris Doyle, traveling in Tokyo)

4.. . . Alvin & the Chipmunks, Dave Saville, "The Barber of Seville,"
Beverly Sills, Beverly Hills, "The Beverly Hillbillies," Jethro
Bodine, George W. Bush. (Robert Elwood, Bushwood, Md.)

3. George W. Bush, Bush's Baked Beans, Washington Gas, Gazprom,
Putin, Stalin, Larry Craig, Idaho, Sen. David Vitter, Sen.
Mary Landrieu, Moon Landrieu, MoonPie, "Brownie," "Turd Blossom,"
"Scooter," Libby's canned fruit, Mark Foley. . . (Larry Yungk,
Arlington)

2. the winner of the half-dozen Sigmund Freud Head lollipops:

George W. Bush, Karl Rove, Valerie Plame, Scooter Libby,
Pinocchio, Cyrano de Bergerac, Roxanne, Sting, Bea Arthur,
Betty White, Barry White, Isaac Hayes, Chef, Rachael
Ray, Martha Stewart, Ken Lay, Barbie, Skipper, Ginger, Geri
Halliwell, Victoria Beckham, David Beckham, Zinedine Zidane,
Butthead, George W. Bush. (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

And the Winner of the Inker

George W. Bush, Jenna Bush, the Jena 6, James VI, Stuart
Little, Mr. Big, God, Chuck Norris, Chuck Taylors, Keds,
K-Fed, Britney Spears, William the Conqueror, Norman Mailer,
Neil Postman, Will Wright, SimCity, Phil Simms, Disney World,
Orlando Bloom, Legolas, Jenna Elfman, the Dharma Initiative, "Lost,"
George W. Bush. (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)

The Second Strings

George W. Bush, Iraq, the Sunni Triangle, the Pythagorean Theorem,
Grecian Formula, Ronald Reagan, Bonzo, Cheetah, Gary Condit. . .
the Wizard of Id, Sigmund Freud. . . (Russell Beland,
Springfield)

. . . Carrie Bradshaw, Manolo Blahnik, Norman Hsu,
Hillary Clinton. . . (Randy Lee, Burke)

. . . Clark Kent, Dean Cain, Nod, Wink Martindale, Bob Barker,
"Truth or Consequences," Martha Stewart, Martha's Vineyard,
Dionysius, Jim Backus, Thurston J. Howell III . . . (Deanna Busick,
Knoxville, Tenn.)

George W. Bush, George Washington Carver, Goober, Andy
Griffith, Ron Howard, the Fonz, Ling-Ling, Chairman Mao, Fidel
Castro, Washington Senators, Walter Johnson, Bob Feller,
Bob Newhart, Christiaan Barnard . . . (Jim Ward, Manassas)

. . . Stonewall Jackson, John F. Kennedy Jr., Aristotle Onassis,
Plato's "Republic," the Republican Party, "The Elephant Man," John
Hurt, Lorena Bobbitt . . . (Russell Beland)

George W. Bush, Nicholas II, Rasputin, Art Monk, the Artful Dodger,
Tony Snow, Snow White, Dopey, Rush Limbaugh, the Goodyear Blimp,
the Hindenburg, "Great Balls of Fire," Bill Clinton. . . (Jack
Dean, Clinton)

George W. Bush, George Lucas, "Attack of the Clones," Dolly, Dolly,
Dolly, Dolly . . . (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

George W. Bush, Al Gore, Tipper, Tippecanoe, Liv Tyler,
Aerosmith, "Walk This Way," Marty Feldman, "Beau Geste," Bo
Derek, the Dominos, Gen. Westmoreland, the LouisianaPurchase,
Napoleon Dynamite, Alfred Nobel. . . (Russell Beland)

George W. Bush, Twiggy, Tommy Tune, Thomas Paine, Clay Aiken,
Harry Potter. . . (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

. . . George Clooney, George Meany, Dick Cheney, George W.
Bush. (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

. . . Virgin Atlantic, Madonna, Jesus, Bethlehem Steel, the
Steelers, the Pirates, Johnny Depp, "Edward Scissorhands,"
ChicagoCutlery, O'Hare Airport, Bugs Bunny, Doc, Snow White,
Vail, Modern Bride, Princess Diana, Prince Charles, Royal
Air Force, Texas Air National Guard, George W. Bush. (Chuck Koelbel,
Houston)

. . . Ho Chi Minh, Minnie the Moocher, Cab Calloway, Shelley Hack,
Robitussin. . . (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

. . . Baron von Trapp, Christopher Plummer, G. Gordon Liddy, Howard
Hunt, Holly Hunter, Catfish Hunter, Edmund Muskie, Hubert
Humphrey, Humphrey Bogart, Sam Spade, Andy Card, George W.
Bush. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

. . . James Galway, Doug Flutie, Brian Piccolo, James Caan,
Sonny Corleone, Fredo, Alberto Gonzales, George W. Bush. (Brendan
Beary)

. . "Moby-Dick," Moby, "Play," Playtex, Crawford Ranch, George
W. Bush .(Russ Taylor, Vienna)

. . . Michael Moore, Dinty Moore, Stewie Griffin, Homer
Simpson, Barry Bonds, Asterix, Tintin, Tin Man, "A Horse With No
Name," My Little Pony, "My Pet Goat," George W. Bush. (Randall Kunkel,
Spotsylvania, Va.)

. . . Neverland Ranch, Macaulay Culkin, No Child Left Behind Act,
George W. Bush. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

. . . Rudy Giuliani, Manhattan, Mariel Hemingway, "To Have and
Have Not," Donald Rumsfeld, George W. Bush. (Kevin Dopart)

. . . Gordon Ramsay, "Hell's Kitchen," Adolph's Tenderizer, Eva
Braun . . . (Chris Doyle)

. . . the Beatles, the Byrds, Alfred Hitchcock, "Dial M for
Murder," Bette Midler, Pete Rose, the Reds, Joseph McCarthy,
Charlie McCarthy, Edgar Bergen, Candice Bergen, Dan Quayle, George
H.W. Bush, George W. Bush. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

. . . Mr. Peepers, Wally Cox, Wally Schirra, John Glenn, John
Fogerty, "Fortunate Son," George W. Bush. (Randy Lee)

. . . Frank Stella, Stanley Kowalski, Marlon Brando, Land
O'LakesButter, Linda Richman . . . Bill Cosby, "I Spy," George W.
Bush. (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

. . . Operation Iraqi Freedom, Arlington National Cemetery, taps,
Larry Craig . . . (Kevin Dopart)

. . . Captain Ahab, Starbuck, Chock Full o' Nuts, Kim Jong Il,
Seoul, James Brown. . . (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

. . . Joan Lunden, Dennis Frantz, BVDs . . . (Sandra Hull)

. . . "Cheers," Ted Danson, "Three Men and a Baby," Anna Nicole
Smith. . . (Kevin Dopart)

. . . Grace Slick, Exxon Valdez, EPA, FEMA, Hurricane
Katrina, the Big Easy, Monica Lewinsky. . . (Russell Beland)

. . . Eddie Murphy, Gumby, Joe Theismann. . . (Randy Lee)

Next Week: Just Drop It, Okay? or And the Next Shall Be First